Evaluating our way of life
The COVID pandemic and enforced Government measures provided many of us with the opportunity to reflect on what was really important to us and how we lived our lives.
As prior to the pandemic many people were already struggling with work demands alongside other commitments in their life, trying to achieve what they felt was a balance to keep all their plates spinning.
Those who continued working through the pandemic saw the pressure increase at short notice, with some juggling working from home alongside children who needed support with home learning, or caring for relatives who needed to self isolate, or being in a difficult home environment 24/7. Whilst also trying to find time to maintain their own health needs, through what was an existential crisis.
It was an extremely challenging time for many people, but also pivotal, as we sought to find ways to integrate working from home with the other aspects of our life.
It led us to review our work life balance, which previously had been about having a clear division between work and the rest of our life, where we weighed one against the other in order to maintain an implied even distribution of our time, with the aim of experiencing a good a quality of life through this balancing act.
When our work and life became so blurred, we quickly realised that it wasn't balance but flexibility that we needed, which is about altering our efforts to accommodate what's needed in the moment. Focusing on when was the best time to do activities, and seeing each activity as a part of a whole in terms of how they could be integrated with other aspects of our life.
So, where did the term 'work life balance' originate?
This shift in focus from balance to flexibility made me wonder where the term work life balance first originated, as it's a widely know term for the way we have been led to believe we should approach and measure the quality of our life as a working adult.
It was a concept that came about in the late 1800s in manufacturing laws, when the number hours of women and children worked began to be reduced and restricted, due to the detrimental impact on their health and wellbeing.
It was the Women's Liberation Movement in the 1980's that reignited the phrase, as they lobbied the Government and applied pressure on employers to create more flexible working for women, to enable them to continue their careers whilst raising a family.
Fast forward to the 21st Century and we now have employment legislation that ensures flexible working applies to everyone. It has become more about inclusivity to enable everyone to perform their work flexibly around their abilities and other important aspects of their life, whether this is for childcare responsibilities, to support studies, enable carer responsibilities, to manage a disability, etc.
So, we can see that the intent for the concept throughout history has always been about ensuring that whilst the work we do is important, the other aspects of our life are just as important and need to be considered also for our health and wellbeing. However, it implied that work is not part of life!
This is further embedded with how the term work life balance was and still is defined, as an either or situation, which has informed how we have approached our lives. If you look on the internet you will see it defined as:
The Cambridge Dictionary: "the amount of time you spend doing your job compared with the amount of time you spend with your family and doing things you enjoy"
Google: "the division of one's time and focus between working and family or leisure activities"
Changing our focus and approach to integrate work into our life
What occurred in the pandemic was a large scale change of focus, from balance to flexibility, due to so many people being forced to integrate these previously separate areas of their life.
You see, when we approach life with a focus on trying to achieve a work life balance, we're looking at how we can divide ourselves between the two, compartmentalising our work role from all the other roles in our life. This separation is ultimately impossible, as we're a whole person so everything is ultimately interrelated. For years we've heard that we shouldn't bring our personal life to work, which meant to suppress how we feel, as regardless of what is happening in your life, it should not impact your job performance. But we're human beings, not worker robots. Our role at work is just one aspect of our life, so we cannot, nor should we, suppress our whole self in the workplace, if we wish to maintain any sense of wellbeing.
The suppression of who we are to maintain this separateness, just leads to poor mental health due to our internal conflict.
For example:
parents often experience a sense of guilt if work commitments means they miss children's milestones such as school plays, achievement awards, sports day etc, and can feel a sense of failure if they don't get the right balance with family time. But many employers are still inflexible, perceiving a parent taking time out or re-arranging work commitment for such family matters as a nuisance, or lacking commitment to the job, which has led to parents being unfairly treated, such as being overlooked for promotion.
someone struggling with poor mental health can find it hard to get the motivation to get up and get going in the morning, leading to arriving to work late occasionally, and maybe not contribute fully in meetings or perform well in their role because of anxiety due to low self worth. But some employers would discipline this person for their time keeping, rather than find out what is behind the poor time keeping. If they were to mention their mental health struggles this person maybe judged as weak due to stereotyping, and overlooked for opportunities which may have given them a sense of achievement to boost their self worth and therefore mental wellbeing.
Over time suppressing how we feel leads to emotional burnout due to the sustained mental conflict, because the fact is, our life and who we are as individuals cannot be divided up neatly to fit into separate compartments, everything is interconnected.
In addition, change is a certainty in life and it's part of our human condition to have ever changing needs, emotions and desires as we go through the different stages of life, which ultimately impacts on all areas of our life. So, a focus a more flexible approach to life is required to embrace our needs as a whole person.
So, the concept of having a work life balance is a myth - a widely held but false belief, which has placed unrealistic expectations on how we are meant to live our life. Thanks to the forced working from home during the pandemic, more of us came to this conclusion. Instead we have found it's more realistic to focus on how we flexibly integrate all the different aspects of our life to include our work role, as this is what will support a better quality of life and our wellbeing. This is the new normal that's been created and whilst some employers have realised this and are enabling more flexibility with hybrid working, there are many employers who are still hanging on to outdated ways of working.
How to create a more integrated way of life
As mentioned above, it's about changing your focus, moving from how you can divide yourself between work and the rest of your life, to a more holistic focus when you bring all the aspects of your life together in a way that meets your needs.
It starts with knowing where you're starting from with an evaluation of your current lifestyle, but before this its important to understand who we are and what's important to us as individuals. Only then we can meaningfully integrate all the aspects of our life to create a quality of life that's uniquely right for us, and enables us to live a lifestyle that supports our wellbeing, which is what I call authentic wellbeing.
So, here are my top tips for how you can get started to get clear on who you are and evaluate your current lifestyle, then you can begin to take action to integrate the different aspects of your life to enable authentic wellbeing:
Get clear on your values - these are your guide to staying true to who you are and meeting your unique needs, as they encompass what's most important to you. Once you are aware of your core values, you can look at your average day, week and month and ask yourself - am I currently living these values in the different aspects of my life? If not, what would it look like to live in alignment with my values?
Get to know yourself better and the type of person you want to be - we all have our unique preferences, behaviours, talents and abilities. So start to get clear on what these are for you and combined with your values look at how you want to show up in the different roles you play in your life, such as: a partner, parent, friend, work colleague etc. Get clear on the type of habits that will support the type of person you want to be, rather than continue with habits you may have learnt years ago but no longer serve you now in your life, or support your future aspirations.
Get clear on what you want to achieve in each area of your life - look at the life fulfilment wheel below, which shows examples of a range of areas in our life, as this will help you take an holistic view of your life. Rate each area on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 - Very Unsatisfied and 10 - Very Satisfied as a baseline for where you are now. Select an area you want to improve first, usually the lowest rating, and begin to focus on what you would like it to be like as if you were very satisfied. Identify key actions and then break these down into small action steps and start taking action! Then review your changes in three months time and notice how this area has improved and how it has affected the other areas.
Support to create lifestyle changes
As Menopause Coach & Guide I work with women on a one to one basis to help them improve their mental wellbeing during their menopausal transition. They've usually tried to make some changes, but feel like they've hit a block and don't know how to move forward. This is often because they're unaware of the unconscious beliefs and behaviours, which are creating biases through which they view and approach their life. They're stuck because they're using the same thinking to solve the problems with the same thinking created them!
Which is why working with a coach who is trained to ask questions and provide a safe space for unconscious beliefs and behaviours to come to light, helps to change the way you see yourself and your external situations. Then from a new perspective you gain the clarity needed on how to best move forward.
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